Purpose. Perseverance. Progress. And A Parcel.

My posts on Facebook have provided updates on my training and fundraising progress but I haven't written much about it here. Guess it's time for a major update, eh?

Yes, Jonathan, I look serious - I took
this pic while on the bike at about mile 10!

Recently, it's been a challenge to find time to train. Many reasons for that. First there were all those crazy medical tests. But that's all in the past now and shouldn't affect my training anymore. Then it was too cool in the morning and I don't have cold-weather gear. So I opted for training on a stationary bike at the gym. Finally, my work schedule isn't a traditional 9-to-5 - it's more like 6-11am, 1:30-3:15pm, 7:08-9:36pm. That's one day. Sometimes difficult to find time for a ride in between all that. But I've made it work when I could.

Believe it or not, even a few months into this I'm still learning new things, some of which I hadn't thought about when I first started training. Like going to the gym to log miles when the weather doesn't cooperate or when my schedule doesn't allow time until after dark. A few weeks ago it hit me that I could pedal at the gym and, although not as demanding or enjoyable as hopping on the Cannondale & riding through Red Rock, it does help to maintain my endurance and can be just as picturesque - in a different way, of course - usually when a hottie gets on the bike ten feet away... talk about an incentive to show off a bit and pedal faster, hah!




There are some drawbacks to logging miles at the gym but none of them will keep me from continuing to do it. My first visit, I did learn the bikes only allow you to log a one-hour workout with a five-minute cool down. That night (wearing my official ALC shirt above!), I logged 15.67 miles in the 65 minutes the LifeFitness cycle's computer allowed. Not bad. Didn't feel anything like riding up and down hills on the road even if the screen on the bike computer kept telling me I was climbing a hill. The other thing I learned is an hour on one of those stationary bike seats is much less comfortable than an hour in the saddle on my road bike. Quite surprising actually considering how small and firm the road bike seat is compared to the large and cushy seat on the gym bike. But I persevered. Even went back for another round.

Doubling down at the gym 'cuz 65 minutes isn't enough!

The next time I visited the gym, I chose a more difficult level (7/10 instead of 3/10). Still didn't feel as challenging as the road bike. But it must have made some difference because my pace was a little slower. Only reached 14.93 miles in 65 minutes. So I reset the machine and kept going - not for much longer, just 22 minutes. Added another 4.77 miles to the workout and got to finish the episode of Tosh.0 I was watching while pedaling (yes, one benefit of the gym is being able to catch up on your television shows while working out!). So I can do this and continue to since it's a decent way to workaround any of those challenges I might have in finding time in the day to ride or getting a workout in when the weather says it ain't happening outside.

And I've hit some milestones in my training too... finally passed 400 miles! Seems like so much. Then, I think that I still have to work my way up to 545 in seven days. Oy! I WILL get there though! Just gotta stay focused on the training and pedal pedal pedal!

Speaking of milestones, I hit another one in my fundraising too. I think I've mentioned before that there's been a major slowdown in contributions to my ride - most likely due to the fact that I've hit up everyone I know like seventeen times! And many of my friends and family have contributed. Quite a few of them even came back to provide a second donation! But I'm still making progress. I've been holding Pampered Chef fundraisers and donating the proceeds to the ride - I think my total donated through those is close to $400. And, although I'm fallen in rank to #12, I'm still very pleased to be in the Top 20 Fundraisers! But the milestone...I passed the $6,000 mark just a few days ago! As of today, I think I'm at $6,060 and some loose change. Feeling so good about that. Even more, my team is closing in on a major milestone in fundraising as well... there are thirteen of us and our combined total so far is over $19,400! And we're just starting! A few of the guys haven't even registered yet or are just getting started on their fundraising. Man, feels so good to see us working together to hit these goals! Our team, Manning Up Allstars, is currently ranked sixth in Top Team Fundraisers and four of our team members are in the Top 100 Fundraisers!

All in all, progress I'm pretty damn happy with! We still have over six months until we set off from San Francisco but I'll hit that 545 miles and that $22K mark in fundraising - I know I will because you all have proven you're with me on this! All of that support is what's going to get me there.

Speaking of support - and the "parcel" reference in this blog's title. I've said before that reaching out beyond my own circle of family and friends is going to be key to reaching my final fundraising goal. Some of that I can use your help with - think about sharing my fundraising link on Facebook and reach out to your community to support the cause. Or have a chat with your employer about holding a fundraiser in your office or securing a matching contribution from them. I know it seems like a lot  and totally understand if you're just not up for it. Trust me, I've definitely had to go outside my comfort zone to continue raising funds and it's made me very nervous and even felt a bit cheesy at times. I mean, I'm not a salesman as anyone who's attended one of my Pampered Chef shows has seen. But I've done it because it's going to benefit the ride. But I've gone even further than that. I've hit up complete strangers to support the cause. Not only complete strangers, but celebrities. One thing I've realized, it's hard to get a response from a celebrity. But just the other day, I did.

Do you know who Matthew Mitcham is? He's an Australian guy. You may have heard his name over the summer... from the Olympics in London. Diver. Gold Medalist. And, most recently, author. I've never met him. Although, I wouldn't say no to a meet-and-greet, heh! Handsome guy. Seems very down-to-earth in interviews. And from what I've read about his book, very candid and honest. I've also learned he's very generous. On Tuesday, Matthew autographed a copy of his book Twists and Turns and shipped it out to me from Sydney (it's not available here in the U.S. yet). Oh, he did more than autograph it. He put a personal note to one of my sponsors - thanking the recipient for supporting AIDS/LifeCycle. I haven't received it yet - that's the parcel I'm waiting for - and don't know exactly what the message says but I'm checking the mail daily. I wasn't going to mention it until I had the book in hand but I'm a little excited about it! I plan on placing the book in our online auction in the hopes that someone might be interested in not only reading his story, but in having a memento that recognizes their generous support in the fight against HIV & AIDS. Kinda cool, eh? I'm gonna have to send that guy a thank you card.

Branching Out

Lots of miles. Lots of hills. Lots of water. Lots of soreness. Lots of learning. Lots of support. Lots of goals. Lots of firsts. Lots of progress. Lots of inspiration.

I've definitely experienced a lot during these past couple months of training. Each of these experiences has prepared me for the big event. And much of this preparation has been with the help of my friends and community... fundraising, gear acquisition, support, inspiration and cycling knowledge.

But my training rides have always been solo.

It's time to change that and branch out into a community of cyclists.

I actually love going solo on my training rides. They're very peaceful experiences with amazing scenery and allow me some time in my own head. No work. No fundraising. No dog parenting. No distractions. At the end of a ride, I generally feel very centered and balanced which is something we can all use once in awhile. In many ways, I feel I could continue riding by myself until the event begins.

However, next June I'm going to be riding with over 2,000 participants. That's got to be a logistical challenge for the event planners and roadies. Riders have a challenge to meet as well... it means learning the rules of sharing the road. Yes, I've been reading quite a bit about group riding... things like bar-to-bar, pacelines, peeling off, pulling through and use of hand signals for pointing out obstacles, hazards & maneuvering. In my head, I can picture myself doing all of these things with precision. In reality, will I do them when I'm heading into my third hour, my fortieth mile, and fighting off a bit of road hypnosis? Probably not. Unless I have real-life experience and, like everything else we try to master, I practice, practice, practice.

From the beginning, I've told myself that once I felt comfortable on my bike I'd start learning to ride in groups. Well, if I'm completing 40-mile rides it's pretty obvious that I've found my place in the saddle. So a few weeks ago when I met a fellow cyclist during one of my rest stops, he pointed me to a website for Las Vegas cycling enthusiasts. That afternoon, I signed up as a member but I haven't yet joined them on a ride. Anxiety about learning something new? Or being judged? Or missing my solo rides? Probably all of the above. This weekend, that changes.

In a way, this also means taking a step back in some my training. To learn group riding, I really should start with the beginners. The rides will be shorter and the pace slower. But, if I'm going to do this properly, I'm going to start where everyone does... at the beginning. On Sunday, I'll be joining the Biking Las Vegas group for a beginner's ride. The route will be much flatter than I'm used to, the pace will be 4-6 mph slower than I'm currently achieving, and the distance will be the shortest I do these day. But I know I'll be getting so much out of it! The ride leader will be giving a tutorial on riding safely in a group and helping with tips on shifting and gearing. And after the event, I'll walk away having my first experience riding with others!

The following weekend I've signed up for another group ride... with a twist. The BLV group is hosting it's 4th Annual Halloween Ride! Since I'll have a little experience riding with others, I've decided to join this event which includes riding in costumes! It's like the school-day Halloween parades except we'll be on road bikes... woohoo! In addition to getting more experience in group riding, I'll also be taking my first step in preparing for the Red Dress Day during the AIDS/LifeCycle event!

Finally, I also think I may join another group event in the coming weeks. This one is an organized fundraiser called the Honor Ride for the Ride2Recovery and benefits combat veterans who have sustained injuries while serving and protecting our country. There are a few levels of participation including an 18-mile ride for beginners, a 35-mile route for weekend warriors, and an 80-mile ride for the real experts. I'm still on the fence for this one since it's a benefit event and I can't take any focus away from my ALC fundraising efforts. However, there is no minimum for raising funds and my registration fees will benefit a cause I support. So I might just do it... feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments section about whether or not it would be a good idea.

Gaining experience in riding with groups doesn't mean my solo rides will be ending. Quite the opposite I think. Most likely, I'll ride by myself just as often and the group training events will add to my training schedule. Plus, I'll still be planning rides with my cyclist friends like Brian, Kristen, Jason & Lacy. Wow... I've got a lot of pedaling to do in the coming months!

There may be one other benefit in branching out with these group rides. My friends, family and colleagues have shown incredible support for my ride and that support has achieved amazing progress in fundraising. But contributions have slowed down over the past couple weeks because so many have already become sponsors. I am working on getting creative with my fundraising events but, by participating in these group training rides, I'll meet many others and my community will grow. And maybe along the way I'll meet some who believe in the reasons I'm participating in the AIDS/LifeCycle event and they'll support the cause. Or maybe I'll even find a local cyclist who'll join me on the ride! In the end, I know I'll make a few new friends and that's the best part of it all.

5K - We Did It!

As you all know, when I set out on this journey I started with a fundraising goal of $5,000.

Well, just eight short weeks later we've hit that original goal!

I've lost track of how many sponsors have joined to become a part of this amazing team. I could go back and count but it's not the number of sponsors that matter. It's the people behind the contributions. Some I've known my entire life. Others came in to share a brief moment with me. Some I saw yesterday. Others not for years. But whatever our relationship, you have all been the wind at my back on these rides.

A couple weeks ago I changed my goal because I knew we'd hit 5K. I also wanted to motivate this team to climb higher and faster than others and come out as some of the leaders in the effort to support the SF AIDS Foundation and the LA Gay & Lesbian Center. Two months in and we're still holding strong at number 10 in the Top Fundraisers for ALC 12! If we continue on this path and reach our final fundraising goal, we should be locked-in somewhere in the Top 25 fundraisers for the event! Even more, we'll be members of the prestigious 10K Club. Last year, this group was responsible for 20% of the total funds raised for the ride. In attaining this level of fundraising, we help to keep the cost of the ride down and ensure the most money possible goes directly to the beneficiaries.

Today, I also picked the raffle winners for the photo book and those prizes went to Marty & Lisa. Marty, a gear sponsor, is also an amazing photographer. I hope he doesn't judge my photos too much! And Lisa, who has the first edition of "A View From Here" on her mantle in her office , now has the complete set, heh!

For the month of October, my incentive for sponsors is to share, share, share! If you see a post on Facebook with a link to my fundraising page - share it! I'll keep track of all shares and, if one of your friends contributes any amount toward the ride, you will be entered into this month's drawing for a book of my favorite recipes. From my Turkey Meatloaf with Cranberry Glaze to my Tarragon Chicken in a White Wine Reduction, both you and your friend who contributed will get the recipes I've been preparing for years. There will be side dishes (Blasted Broccoli - one of my favorites!) and desserts (Oatmeal Raisin Cookies as big as scones). Even a $5 donation from a friend will get you entered into the drawing. Get 20 friends to donate $5 each and you've got 20 entries and a chance at enough recipes to keep you cooking for all of next year!





But before we start thinking about the coming month and all the fundraising we'll be doing, please take a moment to give yourselves a pat on the back. Through your generosity and support of this cause, we've reached the first goal in eight short weeks. With all of our continued efforts, we'll reach the final goal in the eight months we have left for fundraising.

Thank you my friends. Never before has a man been blessed with the best of the best at his side.




And, as a way to share the ride in the way I'll be experiencing it next June, here's a YouTube video from a previous year's ride - ALC10, June 2011:

Walking On Sunshine

How could someone complete this ride without inspiration?

Honestly, I don't know if they could. And I've already written about some of the people who inspire me - Holly, my sponsors, friends I've lost to AIDS. Over the next eight months, I'm sure I'll write about many more. But during my ride today, I was reminded of someone who inspires me to push harder, pedal faster and ride farther. Another pretty damn amazing friend who's been in my life for a very long time.

When I set out today, my goal was to hit 15 miles. My plan was to have an easy ride today and a longer one tomorrow. I thought maybe... maybe... I'd push myself to 20 miles depending on how I felt on the road. I'm just now averaging 20 miles a ride so no need to push it. Plus, I was setting out very late this morning... 9:30 a.m. Let's not even get into how I'm going to be "inspired" to set out during the actual event by 8 a.m. for seven days in a row. That's a whole other blog entry. Anyway, as my fellow desert dwellers are well aware, it heats up quickly here in Vegas. Fifteen miles would put me home around 10:30 - and 80-degrees. Twenty miles would be 11 a.m. and 85-degrees.

So I set off. You know the routine. Pedal, pedal, pedal. Pedal.

Pedal.

Pedal. Pedal.

Stop for a red light.

Pedal. Pedal.

Pedal.

Well if you didn't know the routine, you definitely know it now. Actually, at one point I wanted to lift off the saddle, rest my legs a sec and give the tush a little break but I was soooo into my cadence, I forgot to stop pedaling when I lifted up. My mind told my legs to stop. But. They. Didn't. Pedal, pedal, pedal. Almost sent me off the shoulder into the dirt & rocks. Quick reflexes (and a WTF?) saved me from a face-plant in the dust.

Anyway, there I was pedaling and listening to Best of the 80's on my iPod when I got to Blue Diamond & Durango. I knew I was close to 7.5 miles but since my phone with my mileage app was in my saddle bag, I wasn't sure how far I'd gone and didn't want to end up back home to find out I was short on my 15-mile goal. So I kept going. A few miles up, I knew I was safe and if I turned around there I'd definitely hit my goal. Must've had a reserve tank or something today though because I decided I'd go a little farther and hit that 20-mile mark.

Pedal, pedal, pedal. I learned that 99 Luftballons is a great song on a slight incline. 

It was around Nena's little song of protest that I realized I knew I was safely past the ten-mile mark and could turn around and glide up into my driveway with another twenty miles under my belt. Then out of nowhere I remembered this friend. A guy I've known since my childhood; as long as I can remember actually. When we were seven or eight, we used to throw household furniture into weird configurations, create flight-control panels out of cardboard, and play astronaut. At twelve, we'd hang out in my basement away from the parental units. As a teenager, I smoked my first cigarette with him and we tried alcohol for the first time together. We were very close and he knew all my deepest secrets.

And those thoughts and memories of him kept me going. Well, that and the fact that I felt I still had the energy and knew the ride back was mostly downhill. I also knew there was a good place to turn around a couple miles up and I decided that would be my milestone.

But it wasn't. When I got there, I was still thinking about him. And I kept going. figuring I'd head back when I got to the entrance of Red Rock. That would give me a solid 25 miles.

When I pedaled up to the gas station at the Blue Diamond/Hwy. 159 junction, I realized I'd been thinking about him for miles. Now, to give a little history, this is like many long-term connections we have in our lives. As we got older, I lost touch with him for sometimes short, sometimes long, periods. There were times that I got so angry, I would just shut him out for days, weeks or months at a time. Other periods in life I felt like he was the only person there for me. Through good times and bad, I was always forgiven for mistakes I'd made, supported during some of the toughest choices I've had in life, and even lauded for the most insignificant of achievements. When I rode up to that gas station - that predetermined point of turning around - I didn't. Instead I thought, "This ride's for him," and turned down Hwy. 159.

At this point in my training, I don't have much variety in my rides (that will change VERY soon!). This means I know my routes pretty well and, when I turned into the Red Rock Canyon entrance, I set a new milestone. The little town of Blue Diamond. Actually, I first thought I'd ride up to that place I spotted the burro on an earlier ride because there's a bit of a hill after that and I didn't feel like climbing it. But, after thinking about it, I knew Blue Diamond was just another mile up the road and once I climbed that hill, I'd be on the downhill of my ride.

Then I got to Blue Diamond and this lifelong companion's voice told me to keep going. Just a little farther. Bonnie Springs was two, maybe two-and-a-half, miles up the road. So I kept going... for him.

I made it to the entrance of Bonnie Springs, snapped a couple pics and thought, "What the hell." Turning into the entrance, I was excited because I'd never taken this side-street. It added another mile to my ride & was pretty darn cool too. Being a natural spring area, the vegetation grew thicker, the Joshua trees more dense, and civilization just a little further away.

I stopped here for my break. I hadn't packed much since I hadn't planned on a very long ride. But I had my trail mix in my jersey pocket and, fortunately, had filled both water bottles for the ride. More pics. A bit of resting. Waving at some of the cars passing by. Learning that M&M's may not melt in your hands but the ones in the trail mix sure as hell melt in a little baggie on a hot day.


As with all pit stops, I pulled my phone out of my saddle bag to check my mileage. 15.1 miles. Wow. There was no choice but to ride all the way home which meant I'd clock in at 30-miles making this my second longest training ride to date. Woohoo!!! As I hopped back on the CAAD-y (that's my nickname for my bike, heh!), I was grinning ear-to-ear. Then, turning out of Bonnie Springs back on to Hwy. 159, Katrina & the Waves came on the iPod with the classic Walking On Sunshine (yes, Wags, I thought of you!).

And I WAS walking on sunshine! Here I was hitting twice as much as my original goal. Right f*&#ing on! As Katrina belted it out for me, I started to dance while in the saddle. Seriously. Couple of fist pumps in the air. Singing out loud. Snapping my fingers. A lttle shimmy in the shoulders. Grooving to the greatness of the 80's and of this amazing ride. Other cyclists might have thought I was a freak but who the hell cares? This was MY ride and if I wanted to dance, then damn straight I'm gonna do it!

The ride back, as always, was a piece of cake after that 1,200 foot uphill climb. During this time, I sometimes just coasted and thought of my buddy. So very glad to have him in my life... to have grown up together... shared so much... overcome even more. On the way home, I decided to change up the route to add a few miles too. I did that for him to prove I could. And when I pulled into my neighborhood, I did a victory lap around the block like I always do. Then I did another. And one more for good measure.

I set out to ride fifteen miles. I arrived back home after 34.1 miles. Even more, I set personal records on two segments of the ride. Two other segments I achieved my second-best times ever. Got my third-best time on the Cattle Guard Sprint. Then there's the little thing about passing 260 total miles in my training so far. And I owe it all to the man who inspired me today. So I want to send a big shout out to the guy who pushed me harder, set my goals higher, and inspired me to do more than I ever thought I could....



Me.

Smells Like Teen Spirit

I know, I know... another blog entry so soon after the last one? I just really prefer having the top post be something more positive instead of melancholy like last night's entry.

Today I made a donation to Judith Rizzio's page for AIDSWalk Portland. While there, I checked out the website of the primary benificiary Cascade AIDS Project (CAP). It was here I discovered that an era has come to an end. An era that I played a major role in. After almost two decades, the final curtain has been drawn on CAP's Teen2Teen Program.

Actual handout from the mid-90's

Twenty years ago, working with Judith and Gay (manager of CAP's Community Education Program manager at the time), I helped to create the Teen To Teen Program. We developed the curriculum, interviewed potential teen volunteers, marketed the workshops to local schools & organizations. And, to our surprise, it was incredibly successful. Like, twenty years successful! Wow. This moment is bittersweet for me. I was often proud whenever I heard the program was still around and, even though I'm still incredibly proud it carried on for so long, I feel a slight tinge of sadness knowing it's now gone.

Yes, I had to make sure I always
had "Happy Pete" and the "Purple
Vibrator" with me when I went to work.

Nowadays the idea of having peer-led programs is not only common, it's everywhere! Programs led by teens, speaking to teens, have been created to educate on the dangers of drug use, drinking & driving and texting & driving. Similar programs have teen peer educators discuss issues like suicide, bullying, cutting and sexual abuse. And many of these programs are even called Teen-to-Teen or Teen-2-Teen. But back in the day, our program was new... innovative... progressive... and controversial. Believe it or not, some parents and school district leaders didn't like the idea of a teenager taking a condom out and rolling it down onto a prop to educate their peers on proper condom use.

Lynzee & I present at the Ryan White National Youth Conference
and meet Sean Sasser from MTV's Real World: San Francisco.

By the mid-90's, I was no longer a volunteer for CAP - I was a program coordinator for the Community Education Program including Teen-to-Teen. During that time, the program really hit its stride. We took our program model out of Oregon and presented it at conferences all over the nation - conferences like the Ryan White National Youth Conference and the National Lesbian & Gay Health Conference. Depending on the budget or how many scholarships we could get, I would take as many of the teen volunteers as possible. Sometimes I presented on my own when the money wasn't there or the volunteers had important school priorities like mid-terms and prom. But whether it was me, or me and one teen, or five T2T presenters with me sitting in the back of the workshop, the events were always one of the most popular at the conferences. And things continued to grow as other organizations around the country began to call us to assist them in developing their own peer-led programs. Kansas City. Cleveland. Louisville. If those cities still have programs, they were founded with the help of our volunteers.

Teen to Teen One-Sheet - 1996

Gay Monteverde founded the program in 1992-93 and left CAP about a year later. Caleb took over after Gay left. Ena managed the entire educational program in the mid-to-late 90's then left to become a teacher. I joined her around that time but I haven't been involved in the program since I left CAP to become an HIV educational programs consultant in 1996. Jennifer Jako was a young HIV-positive volunteer who often worked with the teen volunteers. But we were not the program... not us adults. No. The engine that Teen-to-Teen ran on was made up of the teenagers who devoted their time and skills. I guess that's why it continued until this year. By allowing the teen volunteers to be heard, to contribute to the program's evolution, to tell the program managers that "kids don't use those terms anymore" - well, those things kept the workshops fresh and targeted to the audience.

I wish I had some clips of the workshops we did from those days but the internet wasn't a thing back then. And digital video cameras... hah! That's funny! But I did find some YouTube clips of Teen2Teen (yes, the name changed slightly over the years). These volunteers are awesome but I'm a little biased and have to say I hold a special place in my heart for the team I worked with in the early years.

Sam, Lora, Justin, Tri, Catalina, Lynzee, Wes, the other Sam, Jeff, Cydne, Ari, Danielle, Deana, Andrew and Tori - I hope in your adult years you still carry all the passion, energy and belief in community and giving that were the foundation of making Teen to Teen the legacy it is today. Thank you from all of us adults who learned so much from you!

AIDS/LifeCycle is a little ways off but Portland's AIDSWalk is next weekend. So maybe instead of contributing to my ride this week, think about supporting the programs at Cascade AIDS Project by donating a little to support Judith or Jennifer... or both:

Judith Rizzio's AIDSWalk Page

Jennifer Jako's AIDSWalk Page

Just Like Me

The search for interviewees was nationwide.

I've mentioned I have a couple decades of stories to share that all help to explain why I ride. Definitely makes my job as a blogger a little easier since there's plenty of material to pull from. Tonight, in doing some research on the internet for images & videos to add to the blog, I ran across this. Not only have I not seen this in fifteen years, I was shocked there's a version of it online.

This video was produced in 1997 when I was 26. I share it not because of the content but, instead, because of the context. Again, a big part of my focus  for this blog is to not only share my journey leading up to the event next June, but to also share my past and show why this ride is important to me. And what better way to do that than to show you what I did during all those years working in the field of HIV & AIDS.

I want to say something uplifting or positive or funny since the last thing I want is for this journal to become some depressing monologue. But I just finished watching the video and I'm not in a mood to be funny or uplifting. Be forewarned... you may need a tissue so don't watch if that's not the kind of mood you're in right now. Remember, this was a different era and we hadn't yet experienced the miracle of the newest medications and, well, when we talked about this stuff it often came across kinda dark. Trust me... during those years I did plenty of smiling and laughing and loving and adventuring and, obviously from the video, I must have done a lot of brushing my hair back then too... wow, look at that hair!

I also did a lot of sharing. Sharing my story. And that little link down there has a little slice of that story, produced by the University of Connecticut and distributed to high-schools and colleges throughout the nation in an effort to put a face to the epidemic.

Just Like Me: Talking About AIDS

I became very close with everyone in the production, especially those of us who were being interviewed. But I developed a true bond with Deidre and we stayed in close contact after filming was completed. Less than a year later, she lost her battle with AIDS.

My beautiful friend, when I ride next year you'll be with me every single moment.

Miss you, Dee.

J-

(promise, this is the last downer of an entry for awhile! back to funny, uplifting, inspirational and maybe even some just plain boring for a few weeks)

Labor of Love

It's Labor Day! A national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity & well-being of our great country. I hope those of you who had the day off were able to spend some quality time with those you love. And maybe a dip in the pool, a few steaks (or some yummy Portobello mushrooms!) on the grill, or an ice-cold beer on the patio - because for all the hard work you do, a treat is well deserved.

Douche

For those who had to clock-in today, my apologies. My opinion is that just as many people who get the Christmas holiday off should get the Labor Day holiday off too. I mean - most of us are workers and today is a celebration of us. That said, there are some who believe today is actually in honor of the business owner and corporate CEO. Those silly Republicans! I mean, they know the U.S. Constitution and the Bible from front to back, and back to front, right? But the purpose of a little holiday seems to elude them. Feel free to ask the owners of your company why you had to work on Labor Day though. They probably have a very understandable explanation about how much money they could make during this holiday.

I digress - but only because I was slightly disgusted by Mr. Cantor's tweet earlier today and I needed to blow off some steam.

Now back to the real topic of this blog. AIDS/LifeCycle training, inspiration and passion!

And, let me tell you folks - today was a day full of passion for the ride! Just like the Fourth of July, I decided to take advantage of the day off work by riding in Red Rock Canyon. Unlike the Fourth of July, today was a bit warmer - it was 85-degrees when I set out and 94-degrees when I got back to my car. That was partly due to the fact that I got a later start. My fault since I didn't prepare last night like I should have - didn't pack my food, didn't mix my electrolyte drinks, didn't put all my gear together in one pile, didn't check the air on my tires, didn't pack essentials in my saddle bag. I also kinda sat around drinking coffee for awhile this morning - I mean, have you seen the sunrises from my house? I had to enjoy it this morning! My tardiness might have had a little something to do with the kids who egged my car last night too. Didn't notice it until I was loading my bike into the back of the SUV and had to clean it off before I parked my car in the hot desert sun for two hours. Fried egg stuck to my car wasn't something I wanted to deal with after my ride, heh!

But I got it all together (and all washed off) because nothing was going to keep me from my goal today! You see, today's ride was in honor of all of those who have so generously donated to provide assistance to those living with and affected by HIV/AIDS and the other friends who have shown their kindness by providing gear needed for an epic ride like this. So there I was, geared up and ready to go....

And go I did! Having just gotten back on the bike recently, I didn't think I was ready for the 36-mile accomplishment I made on July 4th so last night I set a different goal as a way to recognize those supporters - one mile for each of them - 22 donors & 4 gear sponsors - 26 miles. And there was no way I was going to let them down!

However, I forgot that the route I chose meant I had a long upward climb! One-thousand, two-hundred and five feet up. Seriously. Up and up and up. The steepest grade was close to six percent. And don't let people fool you - just because there's a downhill on the other side, it is not as easy as a completely flat ride. That climb slows me down tremendously - and I don't make up the time on the downhill. Yes, I go faster - but not twice as fast! I mean, there are speed limits and safety to think about! And my bike, cool as it is, just can't hit those speeds.

But climb I did. And each stroke on those pedals was powered by all of you who believe in me. I might have only been riding 26 miles to represent those who have donated so far - but that's only because there's no way I'm ready to ride enough miles to represent all of those who have wished me well, cheered me on, sent kind words, and shared my fundraising & blog pages with their friends. Hell, I don't think I'll ever be able to ride that many miles!

The ride was beautiful but the cars I encountered on the ride were pretty sweet too. I mean, can you imagine just pulling over on your bike to take a little break for some trail mix and see these pull up in front of you? Ferraris, Lamborghinis & Jaguars. I'm proud of my new ride but it paled in comparison. Y'know what made me feel proud though? The fact that I got to that rest area on my own power - my own two legs - and did it for a good cause. But who knows, maybe they were driving their luxury cars for a good cause too - ya never know! They could probably do 545 miles in a couple hours!

As Red Rock always does, it provided wonderful natural vistas. Big sky. Soft clouds. Joshua trees. Canyon rock. And, honestly, you can see for miles (well, when you're not climbing uphill). It's a big part of what makes that climb so worthwhile.

At every stop, I thought of each of you. Sometimes a song would come on the iPod that reminded me of a bottle of wine shared with you or a camping trip we experienced together. For almost two hours, I was reminded of the beauty in the simplicity of the world - and the graciousness of a simple act of kindness.

Those simple acts provide something far from simple. Did you know a $20 donation pays for an HIV test for someone who may not be able to afford it on their own? And during this test they receive counseling and support on how to stay negative or how to protect their partners if it turns out they're positive? Did you know that one of the benificiaries, the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, provides HIV tests to nearly 10,000 people a year? Your twenty bucks helped one of them know their status.

And providing greater support - digger deeper into our pockets - isn't always as simple as it seems. Just as the services they provide aren't simple. A $100 donation can cover the monthly co-pay for life-saving medications to someone who can't afford it. It could provide counseling for three months to a newly diagnosed client trying to find their way through these new challenges they face.

For those twenty-six I rode for today, your support not only helps others live - it helps them to live well. Not well in the "big four bedroom three bath house, pool in the yard, traveling to Europe" kind of way. No, living well for them means they are given the opportunity to feel well enough most days to get outside of the house. That they can use the little bit of the disability money they might receive to rent a RedBox movie they couldn't afford to see at the theater. That they can go to the SF AIDS Foundation to get support to keep their electricity on during the one month they couldn't make ends meet with the $1,100 they get in disability. In all my years working in the HIV/AIDS field, quality of life was always a topic we discussed - and it had a very simple definition: the ability to live with a little more dignity and a little less stress.

For you 26, I made it today. Those 26 miles; each one now gifted with your names. I did it at one of my best paces too. And set a personal record on one stretch of the route; a second best on another stretch. But I didn't do it alone. But you know that, don't you? Of course you do, because you were right there with me. Today each spin of those wheels, each spoke that supported my weight, was a Labor of Love. Love for you. Love for my community. And love for knowing what we as humans can accomplish when we work together.

The Unexpected

Today I'm not writing about cycling or training. Not writing about my health. Not writing about my work or my life or my dogs. Not writing about me at all (well, not much). No, today I'm writing something unexpected. A story about a former love of mine. A story about an ex-girlfriend (see, I told you it was unexpected). A story about a beautiful woman. And about the inspiration she provides.

Twenty-two years ago, I was in college. Attending classes from 8 a.m. 'til 2  p.m., sleeping from 2:30 p.m. 'til 10:30 p.m. Working from 11 p.m. 'til 7 a.m. Due to this schedule, I obviously had no time for a social life which is why it was at work that I met her. Holly.

Holly Jo.

It was Texas. Middle names were required.

I don't remember exactly when Holly started working at the Stop N Go or how we came to be friends. But I do know we must have become friends first because she had a boyfriend when we first met. To this day, I remember that - probably because he was a total ass. One of those idiots you encounter in life that is such a douche, you never forget them. My first real memory of Holly is walking her to her door after we'd been out drinking with some friends - and after she dumped the douche. I don't remember who we'd been with earlier or even where we'd been. I don't remember pulling the car into the guest parking spot in her apartment complex. I don't even remember walking from the car to the stairs leading up to that door. My memory starts on those stairs - climbing up all twelve of them under the glow of the porch light, saying goodnight, then kissing her for the first time.

Holly Jo - the Aqua Net days.

Not only does my memory of her start at that moment; our relationship started there too. And as that relationship grew, I came to learn much about her. To a casual bystander, her life seemed pretty damned good. She was a beautiful girl. Tall. Blonde. Sparkling blue eyes. And a body... well, let's just say lust may have come before love. She came from a traditional middle-class family. Her father worked for NASA on the Apollo missions. I was in awe of him for that reason alone - you should've seen some of the memorabilia he had in their home! Her mother - hmmm, was she a housewife? Maybe a teacher? Piano instructor? Not sure exactly - but, like I said, traditional family.

But Holly was anything but traditional. During those years she was a little rebellious (okay, maybe that's pretty traditional for a young woman in her late teens). She wasn't a conformist - and although she may have looked the part, there was no head cheerleader, prom queen crap for her. She drove a muscle car. A Mercury Cougar - maybe 1967? 1969? It was fierce! Until she wrecked it and got a Datsun 280Z. Another fine piece of machinery. She partied, she smoked, she loved adventure. And I think that adventurous spirit is what made me fall in love.

And the life that surrounded her wasn't "traditional" either. Holly was adopted when she was an infant and that may have brought her to deal with the "what-if's" of her biological parents. She was also born with congenital heart disease and had her first open-heart surgeries at the age of two. Like many teens, she battled the dark issues of self-image and self-worth. In getting to know her, I learned that being blonde & beautiful & living in an "enviable" family environment wasn't always a door to popularity, happiness & success - it could also open the door to teasing, bullying, and plenty of "dumb blonde" jokes. And, trust me, Holly was far from dumb.

Those little white holes in my ears and
mouth - well let's just say after we broke
up, Holly used some thumbtacks on this
photo in some bizarre voodoo ritual.

She and I - wow, we had great times. So many memories of laughter and friends and adventures and intimacy. But, even though we were young, it was the real world, not some romantic comedy, and the bad sandwiched itself in with the good. I was late for her graduation because I was hit by a car while turning into the florist's parking lot to buy her roses. The roommates she lived with were hateful & violent toward her. There was the time I went away for a few weeks and our relationship was severely tested. More than once, I held her when she cried and let out whatever pain she held inside. And, of course, there were the weeks we didn't speak to each other after we broke up.

But the good did outweigh the bad. Almost all of my memories with her are good. Warm, humid nights on her patio, just talking. Going to the beach in Galveston and being so proud of this woman on my arm. Hanging with Jen & Joel & Sally. That trendy braided leather belt she gave me as a gift and the tiny fish tank I gave her. Making out in that Datsun. Miller High Life, Miller Lite & Miller Genuine Draft (why did we always keep all three stocked?). Having nothing to do on a Saturday so purchasing last-minute tickets to St. Louis to introduce her to my parents. The Today Sponge contraceptive - we called them Smurf Knee Pads - man, if you think the Seinfeld "Sponge" episode was funny, ask me about our little Sponge story sometime... Hilarious! The day when she was stocking the shelves at work and, while working the register, I climbed up on the counter and belted out Elton John's "Your Song" to her; off-key, of course. Then there was my mullet and her perm.

Those last two might not have been "good" but they were sure as hell funny!

See - they WERE Smurf Knee Pads!

As they say, all good things must come to an end. We did split up. After a short period of animosity, we became close friends. Then a year later I moved to the west coast and we lost touch. For you younger readers, those were not only days of mullets & perms, they were the time of 25-cent-per-minute long distance phone charges and computers that were nothing more than glorified typewriters. We hadn't been introduced to the internet and Facebook would've sounded like something from a comedic sci-fi novel to us. But years later, those two things brought us together again. On September 17, 2010, Holly accepted my friend request on Facebook. Almost two decades had passed and we had a lot of catching up to do.

Proof that perms & mullets did exist!

So we did. Endless emails. Hours on the phone. Long Skype chats. And those things are the foundation of this story. You see, that girl I once knew who endured countless "blonde" jokes, who struggled with her relationship with her parents & her relationships with men, who questioned herself time and again - well that girl was gone. Now I was coming to know a stronger woman. A woman going back to college in her late thirties to pursue her dreams of journalism. She achieved good grades and, even more, lived her dream by working as a reporter for a newspaper. She had found great love and support from her family. That rebellious girl had found her faith in God again and the peace it brought to her life. After struggling through her years as a single parent, she also found joy in her relationship with her daughter (who, by the way, was as rebellious a teen as Holly had been). This woman now saw the beauty she held inside & out; the beauty I had seen in that girl all those years ago.

More than our memories of our time together in Texas, we came to realize another bond in our adult lives. After many, many years of wonderful health, Holly nearly died from her heart problems ten years ago. More open-heart surgeries. More close calls. More fear. The loss of friends who couldn't (or wouldn't) support her in her time of need. I think that shared understanding of mortality, the value of life, and the hard lessons of false friendships deepened our renewed relationship. Her story also reminds me of the strength we all have inside. Of how we can overcome even the greatest challenges. Of how, no matter what may be overwhelming us, we can find the positive in our experience and the light of life.

Today, Holly and I are still friends. And sometimes when I'm on that bike and feel I can't push myself any harder, I think of her. And somehow - incredibly - my legs get stronger, my breathing gets easier, and a smile crosses my face as I find confidence in myself during my weakest moment. Thank you for the unexpected inspiration, beautiful. I will always love you.

Follow Holly (and cheer her on like she does for me) in her current adventures at the University of Texas, Arlington: http://uta-venturousity.blogspot.com/ and http://twitter.com/HollyJoWard