A Very Jimagery Christmas

After today's tragic events in Newton, CT, many of us are shocked, stunned and maybe falling just a little short on our belief or trust in humanity. Very understandable. In today's real-time, worldwide, sensationalistic atmosphere, we're bombarded by images, videos, stories, tweets, status updates, and text messages of horrific events, heartbreaking news, or immense loss.

Before we'd really heard what was happening in Connecticut this morning, I got a blip from my news station as I was having my morning coffee. The event was still taking place, no facts other than a shooting was in progress at an elementary school. And I, like many others, contributed to that sensationalistic, real-time, always-connected world we're in by posting this Facebook status update between 8:30 and 9 a.m. PST:

"A shooter at an elementary school in Connecticut? What is happening in this world?"

We didn't know anything. Didn't know if there were casualties. Fatalities. Who the gun man (or men) was/were. There was just a shooting that we all felt was going to turn into another tragic event. Honestly, after the fast police action and controlled-panic of the shopper's at Clackamas Town Center the other day, my hopes were that there would be few, or no, injuries.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. And a nation is left grieving. President Obama - bless him - showed such compassion, sympathy, and humanity while speaking on this event, I wept a little as I watched him pause, stutter, and wipe tears from his own eyes. I felt - no, I know - he left the podium so quickly because he couldn't hold it in any longer. Such strength and empathy in our leader. So very grateful for that.

But, as the day progressed, many many many friends of mine made me realize something important:

Bridgett:
Such a heavy heart over this senseless tragedy. Will definitely be hugging my family tighter than usual. But, at the same time, I won't give up on humanity. There's a lot of good going on in the world but we as a society, especially the news, tend to focus on the negative. The good doesn't get reported often enough. Spread the good, comfort the injured and keep the bad in perspective.

I don't want to sound heartless as this is horrible! I just mean that I've heard over and over today "what's this world coming to" and I don't think that's the right place to go. I can list things right off the top of my head that have been wonderful happenings this week but don't properly get celebrated because they don't get the attention. A 2yr old got an 'all clear' on her brain scan MRI this week after a round of chemo, a friend raising TONS of money for fighting AIDS, another friend getting a clean breast biopsy, I helped 2 complete strangers just Wednesday. Just a couple things I've been thankful for this week.

Jon, posted this link as a reminder to all of us:
Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity

Lisa, commenting on the tragedy in relationship to my AIDS/LifeCycle event:
I believe one of the best things we can ever do is create a situation where people can do good. Most people are truly good, but don't have a public forum for their good deeds. The amazing ride that you're doing and the fundraising end of it is so inspiring partially because of the ride itself but even more so because it gives so many people a chance to do something wonderful for somebody else. I know I'm not the only one who gets goosebumps every time you announce a new sponsor or goal met.

In return, I wanted to share a story that happened a long time ago. But which, today's events, brought to the forefront of my mind. Well, the tragedy in Connecticut and watching the Christmas episode of Glee worked together to remind me of an experience I had on Christmas Eve, 1986, when I was 16 years old....

I grew up in the Detroit area and my parents worked for the auto industry. My stepdad made bumpers. My mom, transmissions. The 70's were booming for the industry which is how we wound up in Michigan. But then there was the oil crisis, the Iran hostage situation, the competition with Asian automakers and their compact cars. At times, the 80's weren't very fruitful in Detroit. There were strikes and picket lines. Periods of unemployment. Government "cheese" (and trust me, that deserves quotes because cheese was a minor ingredient!). But my parents, well they did their best. They gave up a lot. Sometimes that even meant giving up time with us kids. There were babysitters. And a trip to the store meant a lot of couponing, a lot of belt tightening, but always a belief that the kids came first.

They divorced when I was 13 or so. Struggles continued. There were good times and bad. But nothing could have prepared us for my junior year of high school - I was 15, my mom was on her own, and we were poor. Dirt poor. We weren't struggling anymore. We were barely surviving.

Of course, we DID still have a roof over our heads
so the lawn chair was inside.

I have rarely shared this story. Not because it's embarrassing or because I feel I'll be judged. I just don't share it because I felt anyone I told it to who knows me would have trouble believing it was actually true. But it is. I guess I also did it to protect the image of our family. Few people were allowed a view into our lives during that time - there was Larry and Jenny and Wendy and Janet (R.I.P. dear friend). Kerry and Pete and Cassandra. We lived in a house without a stove. Or hot water. A garbage bag was our shower curtain - and obviously our showers were cold. A big treat was when we had the time to heat up a huge pot of water on the hot-plate and bathe in a few inches of warm water. We had one bed between the three of us (my mom, my sister and myself). My sister and I let my mom have the bed. while April and I took turns sleeping on a folding patio chaise - you know, one of those ones with little plastic/rubber bands up and down the length? Yeah - we alternated nights. On our off nights, we slept on the floor. Our flooring was a plywood sub-floor. Our bedding was an old sleeping bag.

Ah, but this is a Christmas story. And that's just the setup. See, we really didn't have any money. Definitely none for Christmas gifts. Or ornaments. Or a tree. But then a little miracle happened.

I mentioned earlier that the kids always came first. And my mom was not going to let us go without a tree unless she had tried everything. I don't know what she may or may not have done before that Christmas Eve but that night was the last chance so she put us in the car and we drove to get a tree.

It was dark. Late. Maybe 7 or 8 p.m. on Christmas Eve. There was a person in town we didn't know, but they had a double-sized lot and during the fall they had a pumpkin patch on their extra land. And during Christmas they sold Christmas trees. We pulled up into their driveway. Mom asked us to wait in the car and she got out and went up to their door.

Knock knock.

I remember watching her through the window of the car but I don't know what she said to them. Or how she did it. But those kind strangers put on some snow boots, a heavy winter coat and gloves, stopped by their shed to get some rope, then went over to the fenced in tree lot, and carried a six foot tall Douglas fir to our car and strapped it on top.

On the way home, we kids were excited. But there was one more surprise stop to make. Mom stopped off to spend a very precious few dollars on some supplies. You see, we didn't have any ornaments either. So she picked up a string of lights. Some construction paper. And some popcorn.



That evening, we sat together as a family around the kerosene heater and turned the radio onto a station playing Christmas songs. We cut our own ornaments and hung them with sewing thread. We popped some corn on the hot-plate, threaded it onto a string, then draped it along each bough of that tree. We made a colorful chain of garland out of construction paper. And I think we had something to top the tree off with. Don't remember what. Maybe an old star from Christmas's past. Or maybe we made a new one from some yellow construction paper. Then we sat back. Plugged in the one little string of lights on it. Had a little hot cocoa and sat in front of our beautiful tree before we went to sleep for the night.

The next morning, there were two or three very inexpensive presents for each of us under the tree. I was working at McDonald's so had purchased a gift for both my mom & my sis. My mom, as all mom's do, had squirreled away a little loose change to make sure there were gifts for us all. My sister probably collected some bottles and turned them in for their deposits and bought us a little something too.

It was simple. It was loving. It was real. And it was nothing but goodness and blessings. To this day, it was the best Christmas I've ever had. So all these years later, let me use this public forum, this connected world, this real-time technology to say thank you kind strangers for helping out my family oh so many years ago. You turned a day that was destined to be very sad and awfully grey into one of the most wonderful memories I've carried throughout my entire life.


Friends, during this tragedy let us remember the good is always there - we're surrounded by it everyday even if we don't always hear about it. But that doesn't mean we can't...

See it.
Feel it.
Be it.

J-

If you'd like to, share some of the good, give a few smiles, and bestow one of those random acts of kindness on another by becoming a sponsor for my AIDS/LifeCycle ride and supporting the clients at SF AIDS Foundation and the LA Gay & Lesbian Center. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Feliz Navidad. Blessings to all.